Remember, remember... why bother?

What can I say? I'm a cynic.

"Remember,
remember,
the fifth of November,
Gunpowder,
treason and plot.
We see no reason
why Gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!"

So what's so great about this bonfire night? And why exactly should we celebrate these guys who tried to destroy our government and monarchy?

Start at the start shall we?
On the 5th November, 1605, in the tiny little old island of England, a dissentive group of Catholics who were a bit unhappy at the treatment they were subjected to under the rule of the paranoid King James, decided that the best way to protest about it was to kill the king...?(can't really blame him for being paranoid. People were trying to blow him up-ed)
Come on... That's the King! And this King didn't even like the parliament he was going to open! Encyclopedia Brittannia says that James' "extravagant spending habits and nonchalant ignoring of the nobility's grievances kept king and Parliament constantly at odds". Ha! So where have I seen the monarchy spending extravangently? (shouldn't complain really, they bring in more then enough revenue from the tourist industry-ed) (plus this isn't about the monarchy...get back on track-ed)

One of the dissentees, (whatever that word is meant to be-ed) Thomas Percy hired a basement beneath Westminster Palace, where he, Guy Fawkes, Francis Tresham and some others hid 36 (!-ed) barrels of gunpowder to make a big explosion.

They were found out when Francis Tresham (this is so funny it hurts-ed) sent a letter to his brother in-law Lord Monteagle advising him not to go the event at Parliament. Guy Fawkes, unaware that the plot had been blown wide open (nice one idiot-ed) enterred the basement to meet a troop of Englands finest who promptly arrested and beat the names of the co-conspiritors out of him.

Guy Fawkes was later hung, drawn and quartered a year later... that's a lot of beatings he took, either that or he had a lot of names to remember!

Some jokers have coined the phrase, "Guy Fawkes was the only man to enter the Houses of Parliament with honest intentions". (not wrong-ed)

Irony is, this plan promptly made either Parliament, or the King, maybe both, think that the Catholics should be punished for this treason along with the now late Mr. Fawkes. So they made the laws worse against the Catholics. (erm... D'oh!-ed)

So why do we celebrate Guy Fawkes night?

The evidence isn't exactly stacking up in his favour is it?

-The plot, that he didn't necessarily even plan himself, failed miserably.
-The only reason he is rememberred is because he was the first person to get caught! Could've been Francis Tresham night, though it doesn't quite have the same ring does it?!
-He actually made things worse for those he was trying to help out.

And, while I'm on the subject (could be here a while-ed) why do we burn a guy?

-Guy Fawkes, admittedly makes quite a good focus point for all our hate about people trying to destroy our beloved western way of life, but he was hung drawn and quartered. So why do we burn the Guy? You know why? BECAUSE FIRE IS FUN and DANGEROUS!

No-one wants to hang up a guy and then cut the stuffing out of it... We want to blow things up too! That's why we do fireworks! There's no two ways about it! Blokes like blowing things up and making fire. It's makes them feel manly. (MAN MAKE FIRE-ed)
Girly women like watching the pretty fireworks. Girly blokes like that too. (watch it-ed)

Pretty lame excuses for doing it hey?

That's quite enough ranting for tonight.
I'm now going to go and put a tin of baked beans in the bonfire and makes some people who are clearly standing too close to the hot hot heat, remember why there is a warning line around it.
(I didn't know it was there to make sure people don't get cover in flying food produce-ed)

[listening to :- Diamonds on the Inside - Ben Harper]
[Contemplating :- learning to be more to the point]